At my church, when a person wants to meet with the pastor for an advice/counseling session, they have to give a brief summary of what they want to discuss. Here's the note I left his secretary today:
I'm getting weary of "doing good." I've been trying the best I know how to be Christ to others, but He doesn't seem to be answering the desires of my heart. When am I going to see the fruits of my labor? There were seasons when I stood still and seasons when I acted; I've tried pursuing different vocations when I thought I was hearing from God, only to get the door slammed in my face over and over again. Even though I've come a long way spiritually, it seems like my physical life is going nowhere: I've applied to various schools, jobs, and pursued relationships all to no avail. I'm still, physically, in the same place that I've been for the past decade. I'm getting tired of acting like I'm content when I'm not! I'm just losing focus and the will and motivation to live and get up every morning. I spend time with God only to end up with no direction afterward. I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly through life with no purpose. What is the point of all this? What's the point of my life?
Oh dear *big hug*. Awhile ago, I felt like this for a few years too - as if I was going nowhere, walking in circles with the same struggles, the same insecurities, the same dreams unfulfilled. But I can tell you that, even though, we may be still, God never is. He IS working in your life, even when you can't feel it at all. Also, sometimes we're still physically but our minds/hearts are racing. Those are the hardest to calm down, but sometimes that's the only way we can hear Him. Sorry for the free sermon :), but I just remember feeling like this so much for YEARS and feeling no result after endless devotionals, and then one sweet day God surprised me. Trust me, you WILL find your sweet spot :). God WILL sneak up on you!! "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) Don't let the devil discourage you - you ROCK!! :)
ReplyDeleteI think we all go through times of feeling exactly as you do; I certainly have, in fact, at present, I am.
ReplyDeleteTimes where no matter how hard you try, how hard you work, how much good you do, there's no light at the end of that proverbial tunnel.
It doesn't mean that you give up; anything but. When you feel most mentally and physically exhausted, dig in a little deeper and try to regain that focus on life.
I often wonder if God does hear prayers, silent or otherwise or, is He just so busy with all the other problems in the world that many go unanswered.
I hope that your Pastor contacts you very soon and is able to address all that you shared here. Will keep good thoughts for you, and prayers; don't give up!!
Patty
I'm sorry about what you're feeling. I often feel like I'm just wandering through my days to no avail as well. My first two years of college were miserable. I wanted to quit school and work full time and jump into the "real" world. I thought I had it all figured out, but it turns out my passivity towards acting on anything led me to stay in school where I am just focused on finishing up one more year before graduating. I still feel like I'm wandering at times, but I know that at least I'm wandering towards a destination: graduation. Maybe you just need to figure out one thing, one goal you're heading towards and focus on that until you get there before deciding what to do next. Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but if it does it might help. Whether or not, though, I hope God gives you some answer and you start to figure things out. I know bad it sucks to feel purposeless. But you do have something you're living for, even if you don't know what it is yet.
ReplyDeleteaw, sweetie I am sorry you are feeling like this but, let me reassure you are not alone. I have felt like this before too...crying out to God and feeling like he wasn't listening or answering my calls for help.Yesterday's sermon at ohurch was about taking off our masks...it really hit home for me, we all wear them from time to time.
ReplyDeletePlease know you are loved, that you are special in His eyes. I pray that you will be reassured of your worth. That He has a plan for your life...Life is beautiful and I pray you will be able to see the 'son' through the clouds!
if you need to talk more, email me babe!
melody
Momma always said "Rejection is God's protection."
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the dark side of religion and spirituality kiddo. You can enjoy your stay or not.
Hope you get some good counseling from your pastor.
aaw sweetie big hugs
ReplyDeleteWe've all felt this way at one time or another. Don't be discouraged. Life can be a little like 'Groundhog Day' - each day running into the next, nothing different, always the same. Know your passions, listen to your instincts. Your purpose will come with the choices you make, the people you encounter throughout life. When you least expect it, all will come to fruition, just allow it to happen - like the tempo of a song. There's no need to rush to the end. Enjoy the ride, because life is precious, a gift, and as spectacular as we want it to be.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, smiles and inner peace to you
Moana
x
Thanks, all, for the tremendous insight and encouragement. Although I know that I'm not alone in my feelings or experience, it's always nice to hear other people's stories, their frustrations and how they're dealing with similar issues. Somehow, in the process of sharing, much of life's nonsense begins to actually make sense and things don't seem so dark anymore.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. It just feels like I've been running in quicksand for a million years. And sometimes I'm get afraid that I've "missed it," i.e. missed the purpose of life, missed my big chance at happiness or, worse still, missed God. Honestly, it would really help if He just provided me with the blueprints of His divine plan.
Hey! Congratulations on your FEATURE! WOOHOO!
ReplyDeleteI was going to suggest a few post on http://atypicalread.blogspot.com but I am not sure if it would be offensive to you or not...However, if you want to pursue the answers you're unlikely to get inside and outside your church. I suggest checking them out. And no, its not sacrilegious to question God, it's just uncomfortable for those who proclaim to know him better than you, but fail to understand how to answer you.
ReplyDeleteReally like your site. As I was reading this post I started to think about what your going through. Don't give up in your relationship with God. He doesn't always answer when we want Him to, but He does always answer in His timing. I've been walking through a journey in my disability and whenever I least expect it He answers my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I feel like this and write about it all the time...and I am married with kids. I have adhd, (for real) and my mind is constantly churning with uncertainty, lack of direction, and anxiety about wasting time and missing my calling. I am a new follower, I will keep checking in to see what great things God has in store for you.
ReplyDeleteMommy used to be so pretty...
http;//mommyusedtobesopretty.blogspot.com