At my church, when a person wants to meet with the pastor for an advice/counseling session, they have to give a brief summary of what they want to discuss. Here's the note I left his secretary today:
I'm getting weary of "doing good." I've been trying the best I know how to be Christ to others, but He doesn't seem to be answering the desires of my heart. When am I going to see the fruits of my labor? There were seasons when I stood still and seasons when I acted; I've tried pursuing different vocations when I thought I was hearing from God, only to get the door slammed in my face over and over again. Even though I've come a long way spiritually, it seems like my physical life is going nowhere: I've applied to various schools, jobs, and pursued relationships all to no avail. I'm still, physically, in the same place that I've been for the past decade. I'm getting tired of acting like I'm content when I'm not! I'm just losing focus and the will and motivation to live and get up every morning. I spend time with God only to end up with no direction afterward. I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly through life with no purpose. What is the point of all this? What's the point of my life?