Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Where are the mail order husbands?

Yesterday, I wasn't feeling so hot (translation = I was feeling lonely... translation = I wanted a man), so I did what I usually do when feeling that way: Head to Google News and start looking up phrases like "single women" + "lonely" to see what kind of articles pop up. Inevitably, something interesting always rises to the surface and this time wasn't any different. In the next couple of days, I'll post the gem of a resource that I stumbled upon in my search because I think it might be helpful to other lonely gals out there whether they are single or married.

And speaking of marriage, in my pitiable state of desperation, I went to Google's main page and began looking up (no joke) phrases like "create your own boyfriend" and "receive a love letter." I'm sure it comes as no surprise that neither search was fruitful. Moments later, in the zenith of my despondency, my fingers actually typed out the words "mail-order husbands." Yep, folks. I went there. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, depending on your point of view), the results weren't promising.

("Mail Order Groom" by photographer Nuno Silva from Getty Images)

As of today, doing a Google search for "mail order brides" will generate over two million results, while the phrase "mail order husbands" will only garner a little over 19,000 hits... and the vast majority of those will lead to an infamous prank site. (By the way, the term "mail order grooms" will only result in about 70,000 hits.) After discovering this vast discrepancy between the sexes, I began to seriously ponder why it was that the concept of a mail order spouse is more popular with men than with women.

I'm guessing that a possible answer to my own inquiry may lie within an excerpt from a 2009 article from The Korea Times. The report, which is primarily about the rampant abuse Filipino mail order brides suffered at the hands of their South Korean husbands, states that men look for "housewives who will take care of them and their children from failed former marriages, or their old parents,... generally, these men found it difficult to marry Korean women who are younger or obedient to their mother-in-law so they try to find girls in poorer countries [who] have inferior qualifications and circumstances." Another answer which I found floating in cyberspace concerning the popularity of mail order brides is that American females are not appealing. Why? Because they're too independent and don't value traditional gender roles. Also, women from Asia, Southeast Asia and Russia are generally seen as more physically attractive. As one commenter of an article entitled "Top 10 Facts About Mail-Order-Brides" says, "They are by far thinner and more beautiful than American women as a whole, mostly due to differences in eating and dressing habits and social norms."

Maybe I'll just stick to eHarmony.

12 comments:

  1. Hey - 2 of my best friends met their spouses on eHarmony and did really well with it....but my Beau...well...a few years ago when he looked...there was not one.single.match to him. Kinda scary. I just tell him it's because God knew I was waiting for him.

    I agree with the perception that men seek wives outside the US because they don't like the independence we seem to have. Most men who go that route, are very controlling and want a subservient woman in their life, not someone who wants to compete with them or have her own views and opinions.

    Sorry you were feeling a bit down. Trust me, there will be a day and time when the perfect man will appear.

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    1. I disagree, I think in whole the reason men choose woman from other countries, because American woman have the highest rate of divorce over finances than any country. Personally as a guy though I've nothing against an independent woman though, I'm also 'abnormal' as I wish to break.gender roles and be an at home dad, playing the stereotype of a wife.

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  2. I'm with you on the loneliness. I have tried almost EVERY online dating site, and nothing. I have friends who in less than three weeks have found someone on eHarmony, Match, and Yahoo, so it can happen. One was even featured on an eHarmony ad. It's just not happening to me.

    The worst is when people say "It will happen" or "Stop looking and that's when it does." Really? Do you really think that's going to make me feel better?

    Maybe we should start our own mail-order husband service. :)

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    1. You know what your coupled friends are REALLY saying when they say that stuff, don't you? It's code for "Shut up and stop making me feel bad."

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  3. I'm not sure when or if the Blogger admin. will restore my comments, so I'll do it myself.

    On May 11, 2011 4:02 PM, Yes I Blog said:

    Hey - 2 of my best friends met their spouses on eHarmony and did really well with it....but my Beau...well...a few years ago when he looked...there was not one.single.match to him. Kinda scary. I just tell him it's because God knew I was waiting for him.

    I agree with the perception that men seek wives outside the US because they don't like the independence we seem to have. Most men who go that route, are very controlling and want a subservient woman in their life, not someone who wants to compete with them or have her own views and opinions.

    Sorry you were feeling a bit down. Trust me, there will be a day and time when the perfect man will appear.

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  4. On May 12, 2011 6:52 AM , spolastre said:

    I'm with you on the loneliness. I have tried almost EVERY online dating site, and nothing. I have friends who in less than three weeks have found someone on eHarmony, Match, and Yahoo, so it can happen. One was even featured on an eHarmony ad. It's just not happening to me.

    The worst is when people say "It will happen" or "Stop looking and that's when it does." Really? Do you really think that's going to make me feel better?

    Maybe we should start our own mail-order husband service. :)

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    1. I am getting married in May and I am 31, I wanted to give you encouragement. I had a lot of nibbles but no bites. In fact my future husband was not the man I thought I would be marrying, I was just being a friend checking in when sparks flew over the phone. Praying that you can be comfortable and be yourself, you are a true princess and your prince is out there. I believe there is a lid to every pot, you are lovely remember that.

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  5. Hello I am a man. And i can say how impossible it is to find a woman inside or outside of the USA or on any site. Even craigslist. All the women are looking for sugar daddy. Or if they say they are seeking ltr it only comes in 1 package tall rich. I have read so many postings and almost everyone says there seeking tall rich. The more obvious ones say money. But I have not seen any actually seeking love or affection or even looking for marriage. I have only seen outside USA seeking marriage and that is why many men go for that. And the fact these woman might actually say your cute and be sweet for a couple minutes. But of course they are trying to marry money. Myself i dont have a penny. And I feel like I have a third eye or limb. I haven't gotten interest from a woman in real life or online in about.... Well I just haven't. And I would consider myself a normal joe. Just want some real love. Just can't afford it and 5 7 seems so far away from the 6 foot minimum set by women. My email is Jeremiah6274 at gmail if there is a woman seeking a nice man and she doesn't have these requirements.

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    1. Part of the reason many of the women out there are seeking money is because it gives the impression of a solid provider for possible future offspring. The truth is that most of us want someone STABLE; ie good job and possibly own home that he isn't going to lose and have the family out on the streets any time soon. Most women want security, which often comes down to money I'm afraid.

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    2. Not true, I went to a school...a Christian school where there had been a 7/1 ratio of women to men. The men had there pick the ladies where left in turmoil with finding a match. I have met the most interesting people at universities, churches, coffee shops, bookstores and clubs. Remember smile be super friendly and be yourself you are awesome. Hang in there, find what you love and build friendships. My future husband has barely two nickels to rub together but I adore him and I know we are a good team. May you find your partner...someone you can build and grow with.

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  6. I can't believe I found this - this is great! I too have wound up typing in the search term "mail order husband"! If it is any consolation 2 men I've worked with in the past who married their mail order brides, wound up being left by their far more successful brides who capitalized on gaining their citizenship and furthering their educations.

    I have to comment about women looking for money. I do agree it is more the stability, responsibility and willingness to provide for a family that lurk beneath it. My ex-husband seemed normal enough until after the wedding where he decided to work a few odd jobs and then eventually none at all, while I struggled to stretch my measly paycheck to cover our expenses. I think the day I came home and found our power turned off for non-payment and a package from UPS containing a very expensive part for one of his race cars on the porch was the last straw. Here I was driving myself nuts and working as hard as I could to support this jerk who didn't even care if we had electricity.

    I have dated a guy with money who, after numerous dates, fussed about the expensive of 2 glasses of house wine with dinner at a chain restaurant. I've dated a guy who seems to prefer the idea of hiding out in the woods in a tree fort with his gun collection vs being a productive member of society. Very sad he was so highly educated but wanted nothing more than a menial part time job. He completely lacked any motivation or ambition, short of smoking lots of marijuana daily.

    Anyhow, none of these men would be ideal fathers or spouses (some broke things off, it wasn't always me). A man who can afford to take you to dinner and such appears to be a man who is also expressing that he cares about your well being, taking care of you or a future family, and is in charge with things under control. I think men can exude this level of confidence despite their income. A man with some ambition or some goals or passion in life or a desire to do something with himself is much more appealing than who wants to work at McDonalds forever. I've worked hard to put myself through college and I have ambition both as a woman who would like to become a parent one day and also with my work. I prefer a man that tends to bring out the best in me and to some degree motivates me to become a better person.

    I wish it were so much easier! I can't say finding the right one happens when you stop looking or least expect it, though it can. I also don't think if you wait long enough it will happen as I know too many 40 year old single virgins or once divorced chronically single women. I am aiming for the mail order husband myself, hoping he will be nice guy at least and good viable sperm donor, perhaps we can arrange the split amicably ahead of time....sigh.

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  7. Nice blog, and this is a great topic. Ladies, I am suffering with you, but whenever I feel desperation threatening to cloud my mental faculties, I just recall being stuck in a terrible relationship. mThe pain of aloneness is pleasure compared to being stuck in complete misery. Tough it out. Mail order bride or groom cannot end well because there is a good reason why they are in a catalogue! Wise up, and do not become a statistic.

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