Monday, April 9, 2012

Things that I (formerly) didn't know existed

The Champion Dog
(Photograph by REUTERS/Jon Nielsen. Arlington, Texas | Fri Mar 23, 2012)
An appropriate alternative name for this wiener monstrosity would be "Two Feet of Heart Attack Goodness on a Bun." Not only is this frankfurter nearly the size of a baseball bat, but it weighs one pound! Unfortunately (wait - maybe fortunately), the Champion Dog is only sold in the Lone Star State at the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. Now, before you book your flight to head down for a bite, be forewarned that this mutant dog will set you back by $26 and that its calorie count is insane. According to the operations manager of the team's food contractor, Sportservice, "it's got to be 2,000 or 3,000." Since the Jenny Craig diet permits up to 2,300 calories a day, I say go for it  :-9

Miss Snake Charmer Scholarship Pageant
(Photograph by Joy Lewis. Sweetwater, Texas | Sat Mar 10, 2012)
Texas is awesome. Not only do they have the Champion Dog, but they've got teenage girls who know how to skin and gut snakes like pros. One of the highlights of the annual Sweetwater Rattlesnake Round-Up, a three-day event which attracts 30,000 to 50,000 visitors, is the crowning of Miss Snake Charmer. According to the 2012 application announcement "girls between the ages of 16-19, living within a 75 mile radius of Sweetwater" can compete for the coveted title. Think America's Junior Miss meets Indiana Jones because after obtaining the tiara, the winner has to milk, flay, and decapitate snakes, the last of those duties requiring her to "hold a machete elegantly."

Snake Massages
(Photograph by Uriel Sinai/Stringer. Talmei Elazer, Israel | Thur Sept 11, 2008)
If, after visiting Texas, you STILL didn't get enough writhing reptiles, then head on over to Israel. There you can find spa owner Ada Barak who offers snake massages for $80. Depending on whether you desire muscle tension relief, which requires larger species, or a mild fluttering across the skin's surface, which smaller snakes "specialize" in, Barak's got you covered (no pun intended). Her serpentine sessions are an hour long and involve only creatures of the non-venomous persuasion. So, if you dare, venture to the Middle East and lay yourself out for what, I imagine, is the king of all tickle fests... or you could just see what it's like by watching this video.


  1. I think I can be spared the hotdog.

  2. the hot dog wasn;t bad but seriously snakes not my thing totally freaked me out and no way in H_E_Double Hockey Sticks are you ever putting one on me. nope

  3. I'm adding all of this to my list of Things that Can't Be Unseen...

    Although I kind of want a hot dog now...